Cosmic Tourist Sci-Fi T-shirt

Zorp adjusted the surprisingly comfortable straw hat, its woven fibers a delightful textural novelty against his smooth, green cranium. The sunglasses, marketed as ‘Ray-Bans’ according to the orbital kiosk vendor, cut the glare from Sol spectacularly, reflecting the brilliant blue-and-white marble of Earth back at him. “Magnificent,” he breathed, the translator implant in his larynx adding a slight metallic reverb. This trip was worth every Zorgon credit.

He extended the selfie stick, angling the borrowed Terran communication device – an ‘iPhone,’ apparently – to capture the perfect shot. Getting his own charming grin, the vibrant red palm-print shirt (a ‘must-have’ according to the ‘Galaxy Guide’), and the entirety of the North American continent in the frame required delicate maneuvering in zero-G. Behind him, the official Tourist Zone Cordon pulsed with the gentle engine hums of other visitors’ craft – a couple of standard saucers, probably rentals like his own, drifted lazily nearby.

“Okay, big smile… show the tertiary eyelids,” he muttered, pulling his lips back in the wide, toothy approximation of human glee he’d practiced from downloaded ‘sitcoms.’ Click.

He retracted the stick, peering intently at the small screen. Success. There he was, Zorp Glax’Norbilly of Cygnus X-1, looking impossibly cool against the backdrop of humanity’s cradle. The sunglasses hid his multifaceted eyes perfectly, lending an air of inscrutable mystery. The Earth hung like the ultimate backdrop, swirls of cloud adding dynamic flair. Even the rental saucers photobombing added a certain je ne sais quoi.

This was going straight onto SpacestaGram. His rivals back in the nebula cluster, always posting boring pics of black holes or supernova remnants, would be incandescent with envy. They called Sol-3 primitive, a backwater mudball. But they didn’t understand the vibe. The sheer, unadulterated tackiness of it all was precisely the appeal. Where else could you get genuine fried potato starch sticks and shirts loud enough to register on seismic sensors?

He typed out a caption using the phonetic Terran alphabet keyboard: “Livin’ large at the Big Blue! Traffic was a nightmare, but the views (and the kitsch) are outta this world! #EarthBound #AlienOnVacation #WishYouWereHere #CosmicTourist #HawaiianShirtInSpace.” He hit ‘Transmit,’ the data packet streaking across the void towards the nearest interstellar relay.

Zorp sighed contentedly, adjusting his hat again. Now, where was that vendor selling ‘frozen dairy confection on a stick’? He had a whole planet’s worth of experiences to document.

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This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all.

• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

Size guide